10 Reasons why Living with a Crocheter is the WORST

I’m under no illusions here – Mr Elsie Pop is basically a saint. Living with a crocheter is hard work! Here, with input from my lovely husband, are my top 10 reasons why living with a crocheter is just the WORST.

1 – Yarn. Everywhere.

Even though I have a whole separate building dedicated to crafts in my garden, our entire house is covered in yarn. I crochet on the couch, so one of our couches is permanently “decorated” with yarn. Every time you open a cupboard in our house, yarn falls out. It appears everywhere. I’m pretty sure once or twice, some has shown up in the cat litter trays. They’re not even on the same floor as the couch. Oh, and he’s not allowed to move any of said yarn – despite its unruly appearance, I know where everything is and I’ll freak out if he touches it.

2 – Other crafty bits. Everywhere else.

If he’s not tripping over some rogue yarn, my long-suffering husband is finding crochet hooks in the kitchen; stitch markers in the washing machine; darning needles in his feet; sewing thread being eaten by a cat or knitting needles in the bed. Craft stuff migrates!

3 – You never get to see your furniture.

When you live with a crocheter, it’s hard to find a surface which isn’t draped in a crochet blanket or two. He folds them nicely and puts them away now and again, and I drag them out of hibernation and put them back on the couch/bed/armchair – doesn’t he know they took me months to make? I don’t think Mr Elsie Pop has seen our couches since we moved in.

4 – Conversation is tough.

If I’m crocheting, I’m (at best) only half listening to whoever is talking to me. As I mostly crochet at home, it means I barely listen to my husband at all. This is usually easy enough to work around, and I can hold a remarkably convincing conversation nowadays without really listening – but when I’m counting, all bets are off. I require SILENCE!

5 – Watching TV together is a challenge.

We watch a lot of TV together. The problem is, because I’m crocheting I can only watch the screen about half of the time. This results in some pretty frustrating conversations for my other half, such as “which guy is that?” (usually the lead character); “what happened to that other bloke?” (he usually died a few episodes ago); “what’s going on now?” (usually follows a loud noise when I didn’t see what happened); “can you rewind that bit again, I wasn’t watching?” (this one always goes down well!).

6 – You’ll wear surprisingly few crocheted items.

Prepare to be last on the list for your loving partner’s handmade gifts. It’s hard to make something for someone you live with – it’s not easy to keep something a surprise when you spend all of your crafting time sitting in the same room as someone. My poor long-suffering husband has to wear a selection of pretty girly scarves that he borrows from me, because he always seems to be last on the list. One day I’ll finish that jumper I started making for him 4 years ago…

7 – Get used to spending time in craft shops.

Your crocheter needs regular trips to your local craft shop to keep them on an even keel. My husband spends more time than any non-crocheter should in yarn shops – any I try not to subject him to going too often. He’s a pro at getting the right parking space in our local Hobbycraft, and at this stage I think he’s been in there often enough with me that I could send him in alone and he’d know what to buy (don’t worry darling, I won’t). I’ve even taken him to Unravel with me – he was very useful.

8 – You’re a packhorse.

It’s not your decision to take 8 balls of yarn, a collection of crochet hooks, stitch markers, scissors and a needle with you everywhere you go – but you will have to carry them for your other half if you go anywhere together. I have a handbag and a crochet bag with me most of the time – he doesn’t have any bags with him – so it’s only fair he carries my crochet bag for me, right?

9 – Your opinions don’t matter.

I occasionally ask Mr Elsie Pop’s opinion on colours, or yarns, or patterns. Sometimes he thinks his opinions have had a bearing on how I do the project – but actually, that’s only when he picks the colours I wanted to use anyway. If he has a different opinion, it’s resoundly ignored. Sorry!

10 – There’s no escape.

I mean, other than leaving for good! (Please don’t, Mr EP – I promise I’ll finish your jumper one day!)

Even on holiday, I crochet. A lot. Crochet is how I relax, so I need to take it with me when I want to unwind on a holiday. I’ll crochet on the plane – often making him hold my yarn in his lap due to space restrictions. Our suitcase always has a bunch of yarn in it – and my hand luggage will always contain at least 2 WIPs.

And then when we get to our destination, I always manage to find a yarn shop – even in the most unlikely places! I think my best work so far was finding a yarn shop in some back street in Sardinia – I kept him in there for about 45 minutes chatting with the owner about her woven yarn baskets. He’s a lucky guy!

Right, I’m off to give the most tolerant husband in the world a cuddle.

Until next time,

Elsie Pop

xx